Monday, September 27, 2004

my encounters with the human life form

Postponed trip back to Malaysia. Have got to settle things with supervisors.

I would have been at Edinburgh International Airport now, waiting for my flight to Heathrow.

Anyway, just a matter of thought, whatever is done, reflected back on the the people responsible on their actions for the action to take place. Hence, if the results is found undesirable, it is the responsibility of the people who had pressed upon the action to take place. I rest my case....

Guidance. Necessary for the people who needs it. It becomes reluctant if the persons who is leading (thus the guide) does not take heed in what he or she does to guide, and leaves one feeling lost, even if one has asked and inform the guide that one is lost and does not see the road. Me.

re·luc·tant adj.

Unwilling; disinclined: reluctant to help.
Exhibiting or marked by unwillingness: a reluctant smile.
Offering resistance; opposing.

Bitter. bit·ter adj. bit·ter·er, bit·ter·est

Having or being a taste that is sharp, acrid, and unpleasant.

Causing a sharply unpleasant, painful, or stinging sensation;

harsh: enveloped in bitter cold; a bitter wind.

Difficult or distasteful to accept, admit, or bear: the bitter truth; bitter sorrow.

Proceeding from or exhibiting strong animosity: a bitter struggle; bitter foes.

Resulting from or expressive of severe grief, anguish, or disappointment: cried bitter tears.

Marked by resentment or cynicism: “He was already a bitter elderly man with a gray face” (John Dos Passos).


ir·re·spon·si·ble adj.

Marked by a lack of responsibility: irresponsible accusations.

Lacking a sense of responsibility; unreliable or untrustworthy.

Law. Not mentally or financially fit to assume responsibility.

Not liable to be called to account by a higher authority.

These words best describe myself at this moment in time. Thanks to Dictionary.Com for helping me churn out meanings of words best describing my innermost thoughts.

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

Last few days.


I hate this feeling inside me. Only certain people know about what I'm going through at the moment.

I've let myself down, deep down to the core of the earth. I do not know how to pick myself up again.

I don't want to sympathize myself nor I need self pity. It's my own bloody fault I guess.

I wonder why I am even still breathing in Oxygen? I am of no use. My brains is just a bowl of mushed peas. DO NOT GIVE YOURSELF TO SELF PITY!

Maybe, God intended me to be where I am now, and save me from being riak, takbur, bongkak. Maybe.

I dont know......

I wonder if any of you readers have felt this before: falling into a deep hole... like in the movies, falling to no end. That is how I feel at the moment. No one could save me now. I just want to fall down, down down down down to no where.

Fuck it!

Monday, September 13, 2004

This week would be one of my last few weeks in luverly Edinburgh. I know I am going to miss this Scottish land. I would be going back to the routine I left 2 years ago (yesterday to be exact!).

I guess I am more matured and know of my direction now.

Would update soon. Please see my fotopages as i have updated some photos.

Friday is my D-Day.... Results would be out then.