Harrumph!

Bismillahirahmanirrahim

Went for my second interview today and was the first one to be in line and questioned. God. Did I make a complete fool out of myself despite me being very honest to everyone. I know ALLAH knows, so I dont really feel that bad anyway.

Im blogging from Kenchana's office, her office is the only office with a new PC and internet connection. She is not around today so I guess I'll be utilising and surfing thenet as I am so Moodless after the interview.

I called my mom after the interview, er, after I went to show fabric samples and taking the measurements for a bridal outfit due February. She told me not to worry and not to think about it. I dunno, I still am thinking about it.

Realistically, I was being honest with myself, I dont dare to plan my life and put high axpectations to it. I do not know what would happen next. People might think that I dont have the confidence and unsure of myself. Let them think what ever they want to. For sure, I would not want to rush doing my PHD and most likely i would attend to that in 2-3 years to come. What is there about seniority etc? My Rezki comes from ALLAH. ALLAH knows what is best for me.

I do not want to go through what I went through doing my MA. Sometimes, I ponder back at that time, how unprepared I was.

What ever it is, I am ever so Thankful to GOD because HE gave me the opportunity to go through what I went through just now. If HE says that my rezki is with my employer, Kun Fa Ya Kun. If not, I redha.

I am imagining myself on stage, receiving a prestigious award. This would be my acceptance speech.

First and foremost, ALHAMDULILLAH. Praise upon Him bestowing me with this wordly award. Again, I would want to thank ALLAH for creating me and letting me stand here, in His domain. Praises to ALLAH for giving me the ideas, aspirations and vision and thank ALLAH for giving me this award. Now, I would like to thank the organisers, panels and juries for choosing me to have and to hold this prestigious award. Thank you ALLAH again for giving me this fate. Thank you to my parents and family for your worldly support and prayers. I have to thank ALLAH again for bestowing me a loving and supportive family. I have so many thanks to give to everyone, but lastly, I would have to thank ALLAH for letting me be here today, to accept this award.

Er, thing is, I know, one should plan his or her life, especially for the future. Being me, I do not know why I dont even bother to think of my future. All I could think of is probably I would already be six feet under. Er, does anyone know about when you would likely to kick the bucket? As for me, I really feel like I wont make it even to the age of 45. I dunnno, I just have that feeling.

PHD: when would I want to do it? I give myself another 2-3 or maybe 5 years. I want to make sure that I am up for it. I want to make sure that i am really prepared for it.

Post PHD: I do love the place where Im working now. Alhamdulillah X 1000. Yet, as an individual, I would want to be independent some how at one stage. And yet still teach (I have a feeling I know why my Sifu is forever youg- because he is very honest in what he is doing and at the same time, being with youngsters [his students] most of the time).So I guess, I want t o stay young at heart by being near the kids of the future. I like to share anyways of what I know, and I have to update myself with the latest in trends and technology. Most likely, I would be with my employer till I'm six feet under - If HE permits it. Wallahualam

I guess I vented out my frustration for the Day. Dear GOD, I am never angry at YOU, I have no point what so ever to be angry to YOU. I fumbled, I make istakes but it if for me to learn and from that I appreciate more of what YOU have given and would be giving to me. Please keep me in YOUR path and I ask for YOUR forgiveness. I am a sinner, yet I still do things that I know, makes YOU hurt, as YOU created me. And yes, I did it again.

Jazakallahu Khair

ps: Nak thank to

1. ALLAH

2. My Family
3. LKY

4. Volks

5. AB

6. Taj

7. colleagues @ FACT

8. Bro Shaikh YM

9. Isis

10. Adik-adik PESKA

and other people who wished me luck for my two days of interview.

Only ALLAH can repay your thoughts and words of suppot to me.

JAZAKALLAHU KHAIR